Ponder

Ponder
I took this photo while relaxing one evening

Monday, January 31, 2011

Cheesin it, but not feelin it

This is my family.  Half of it anyway.  This is my brother who recently just left to go overseas and our father at my brother's going away party.  Last night and tonight I have done a lot of thinking about my life and everything good in it.  Clearly you can tell that I am cheesin it, it's what I do best.  And although I wear a smile and laugh a lot, sometimes I do it for others.  Generally though I am sincere in my happiness but there are times when I just need to break down.  I already miss my brother and he has only been gone for three days.  I wish I had that one person in my life that I could share EVERYTHING with.  I know I have my best friends and believe me they are the greatest people you can ever meet and have in your life (Gina, Cali, Krista, Jonathan, Shelby, Kim).  However, there are always things people keep from their best friends.  But when you're in love that person becomes your best friend.  Maybe I'm lonely.  Hell I don't know.  

Music makes me happy, sad, angry, regretful, and it makes me think.  Here are music quotes of how I am feeling right now that either remind me of my life in the past or relates to what is going on in my life now:

Somebody else was here before,
He treated you unkind. 
But broken wings need time to heal,
Before a heart can fly.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it,
This brokenness inside me might start healing

Leave me alone to pick up the pieces
A daddy to hold me, thats what I needed

And a part of you might hate me,
Sweety please don't mistake me.
For a man that didn't care at all

Wanting you back to not givin a damn
I felt it all
Didn't you know how much I loved you

Are you gonna kiss me or not?
Are we gonna do this or what?

Baby you're a firework,
Come on show em what you're worth

Should I give up? 
Or should I just keep chasin pavements?



                                                              Me Cheesin It Up Again

I'm pretty random with this posting because I'm about to share a poem with you all:

Dream

Here it is,
A dream come true.
A wish upon a star,
Shining bright,
Illuminating the sky,
My dream, a longing for you.
Nor does it dim or glimmer slightly,
You're a recurrence in my head,
Constantly.
Nightly.
Light headed I awake 
Groggy from sleep
In hopes it was you touching me.
My eyes close again
Weary and weak.
You fall back into my dream,
For in my dream is where you sleep.
The closest we get,
A longing within.
I don't want to wake up again.
Because in here your hands stroke my skin,
Ever so softly you tilt my chin.
But before our lips brush,
I wake up to your touch.
It was not a dream,
And there you are smiling down on me.
Smiling back I look into your eyes,
There I found my wishing star,
Shining bright.

I wrote this a few months ago in class.  I can never seem to focus, so instead I write and day dream. :)
The end.

Until next time.
Kat

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